According to The Washington Post’s Al Kaman, an editorial in the July 10 edition of the Iranian newspaper Resalat reported the following:
“A few weeks ago, 14 squirrels equipped with espionage systems of foreign intelligence services were captured by [Iranian] intelligence forces along the country’s borders. These trained squirrels, each of which weighed just over 700 grams, were released on the borders of the country for intelligence and espionage purposes. According to the announcement made by Iranian intelligence officials, alert police officials caught these squirrels before they could carry out any task.
“Fixing GPS devices, bugging instruments and advanced cameras in the bodies of trained animals like squirrels, mice, hamsters, etc, are among modern methods of collecting intelligence. Given the fast speed and the special physical features of these animals, they provide special capabilities for spying operations. Once the animals return to their place of origin, the intelligence gathered by them is then offloaded.…”
I’m convinced my local government has employed a similar tactic to spy on me and I will continue to counter using my English Setters to scare the varments off of my property.
(Gouge: CM)
– Ward
{ 44 comments… read them below or add one }
how did they recognize them? were they wearing tiny trench coats?
next question is – where is moose?
I can understand the CIA using cats back in the 60′s to spy on the Soviets.
‘CIA recruited cat to bug Russians’
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2001/11/04/wcia04.xml
But come on! This is 2007… We’re bound to have some ‘Sharks With Freaking Laser Beams’. No?
http://missiondeep.com/content/view/119/2/
Out of pure, honest, & unadulterated curiosity…
1) Didn’t the squirrels put up any kind of fight?
2) We’re they able to follow their equipment destruct procedures?
3) When the Iranians parade them on Television. Will it be against the Geneva Convention?
4) How will they be forced to read their signed confession?
5) Are they capable of signing their signed confession?
6) When they’re released. Will they all receive book deals & paid interviews?
7) And lastly, does squirrel taste better grilled, baked, or BBQ’d?
;)
“nuts”.
Where is Moose?
Making big trouble for Amadinnerjacket!
The Iranians really have to much time on thier hands. What is next Spec-Op chipmonks?
What you all fail to realize is that they were a diversion for the secret moles burrowing their way across the border to Tehran
The Squirrel Who Came in From The Cold?
Tinker,Tailor,Soldier,Squirrel?
Special Squirrel Service?
Didn’t the CIA once try to turn a cat into a bug(so to speak)?
Anyway, are there even squirrels in Iran??
Will someone give that NUT a Nut???
If you can prove it, then post it…
If you can’t prove it, then shut up!!!!
Well of the “TS” Squirrels their is but one man who can tell us the truth on this whole matter. I ask any of you to please send all e-mails and questions to John F Kerry as it has been hear that he indeed has “The Flying Squirrel”. This is a device John F Kerry uses very often and the man to back up all of this is named Howey Car. You and find Mr. Car on 560am talk radio in Massachusetts starting at 3pm and this guy will even give you some security by disguising your voice useing a high tech CIA built “voice changer” that he has secretly obtained through his years of interviewing covert callers who call in to his show and fear being made by the government. Howey has exposed this flying squirrel and now everyone im Mass knows where the tax dollars go. JP8 is an expensive fuel and it is rummored that the squirrel, when in covert mode, needs this to run as the blades deploy into the upper body of the squirrle and the jets arethen activated. Anyhow, please look into my story and find out if its true, you will be shocked and know that the nuts in Iran may not be to fare off, LMAO
Are you sure they translated the word “squirrel” properly? This is so crazy it might just be true:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5u2IWFNFDE
Just a squirell trying to get a nut!!!
ALL IS FAIR IN LOVE AND WAR… FORGET BEING SQUIRRELY!
E.S.
Come on! Any one who knows anything about squirrels knows that the moose (Bullwinkle) was Rocky the Flying Squirrel’s sidekick. Secret Squirrel, worked alone, I believe. ;)
Sorry! Secret Squirrel’s sidekick was Morroco Mole.
What the story doesn’t tell you is that the Iranian intel officers continue to question the squirrels, stating that “they (the squirrels) have a peculiar American accent common to the Crawford, Texas area” Whitehouse officials have not commented on these accusations….
Camp: Pan fried is my favorite….
Were they also carrying Hellfire missiles?
Sounds like all of our Remote control planes will have to go to the boneyard.
Squirrels…Geez…I knew we were suffering budget cutbacks in the intel community, but it seems things are worse than I thought. Now if you will all kindly look intently into your screen and wait for the flashy thing…..
Moose smart, squirrel dumb, or are they that desperate for recruits
What are we doing? Got any spare nuts around ?
Just de-bug them before you make gravy out of them. If you don’t you’ll ruin the microwave oven.
(speaking in a Peter Lorre accent) “everyone know’s that I, Morocco Mole, am Secret Suirrel’s sidekick!!
What’s the next secret weapon leak…Roger Ramjet…a hero for our nation!!!!
Why don’t we just get a whole army of fire ants and then watch them dance around. Also what about importing killer bees?
Give me a break! Rats are smarter, quieter and don’t have those fuzzy tails that may show up on radar.
I work down at DARPA and we were thinking about that form of ANINT ( ANimal INTelligence) but we figured the scuirrils would just go after ppls nuts, so we let the Army takeover that program. instead we went with frikkin sharks with frikkin laser beams on their heads.
We now have proof-positive of just how porous the Iran-Iraq and Iran-Afghan borders are… actually, 8,000,000 squirrels were launched as part of a massive assault on the Iranian pistachio nut crop… and they only caught 14??? Oops, hope Iranian counter-espionage isn’t listening….
Camp, you asked: “And lastly, does squirrel taste better grilled, baked, or BBQ’d?”… best shot is marinate overnight in white wine and crushed red peppers, stick ‘em on a spit, and slow roast over a mesquite fire, basting with garlic butter… Recommend a good Chardonnay or White Zin, and lots of fresh baked bread…. Mm, mm, mm, mm…TOASTY!
What happened to the gay bombs?? Maybe a diarrhea bomb….that’d be great… every round they squeezed off, another round would sneak out the backdoor…
Oh, to be an Iranian Squirrel! Come on, (Iranian accent) PASS THE CURRY IN A HURRY! Time to eat!
Now, pass the Camel Shit baked bread.. AHHHH. That was just what the allah ordered… Camel-Shit Bread and Fresh Propaganda, I mean, Squirrel….
ROFL just ROFL….
I’m at a loss for words.
“there are no American tanks in Baghdad”
As a spokesman for ASS, the American Squirrel Society, I would like to take this time to confirm that this is indeed a true story. We here at ASS have spent the past 85 years selectively breeding squirrels, and in the past year have finally successfully bred the Homing Squirrel, used for nefarious purposes by various and sundry Intelligence agencies of the West. It is our hope here at ASS within the next decade to breed the Carrier Squirrel, capable of toting a bandoleer or two of ammo to troops cut off behind enemy lines.
I understand that Morocco Mole was not involved because he is Muslim. After hearing the mole refer to the squirrel as a “Treacherous Infidel Dog”, CIA officials were afraid that his loyalties were leaning toward Pisslam on this mission.
The rats are just too unstable, but squirrels…. I
can see the genius there.
Actually the system is called the Basic Infantry Ground Assault Squirrel System, or BIGASS. There is also the Defense Utility Modular/ Assault Squirrel System or DUM/ASS
Looks like we got caught again. But they haven’t found the 800 cobras equipped with the special collection capability.
That explains the squirrels near the University of Utah crossing a six lanes of rush hour traffic without being touched. And I thought they were just lost.
In the old days we had to use cows. It’s amazing how technology has allowed the miniturization of these vital systems.
If figures! What’s next
What No Rednecks in the bunch? They wouldn’t have lasted even a few seconds around me and I would have shot them for dinner!!! Yummmm!!!
I knew it…its all a conspiracy….i hope they negiogate for them back…never leave a good squirrel behind.
re: ltmom. Yes, it’s true that rats are smarter, quieter, and have a lower radar signature. But, on top of THAT, they blend in better with the Iranian intel crowd, too.
I guess that the next thing we hear from them is that they’ve captured Rocky the flying Squirrel doing high altitude photo recon.
i think they forget to mention tiny ants cam working now to hunt osama.